She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
