There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
as a side note pls kill me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
