I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize