The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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