Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
