I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize