is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
