I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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