Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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