After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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