So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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