I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
