yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
