census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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