how can u be prego again
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
