ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
