I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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