You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
