I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
