Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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