There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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