Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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