mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
