It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
