Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
