I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
