She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
