Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
