The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
