We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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