so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
