my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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