So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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