We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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