it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
...so i touched it.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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