What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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