the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
