i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
