im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
