what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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