were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
