you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
