Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
