I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
