I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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