24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
