You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
