also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
