ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
