he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
