allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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