My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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