dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
