i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
