my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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