You're completely useless in the revolution.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we're making bets on your personal life
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
