i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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