I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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