I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
