They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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