I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My liver just had a heart attack.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
