so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
two words: eviction party
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
