was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
