All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
